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living in my written ink

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(screw the chorus)

Growing Down [26 Mar 2011|03:47pm]
[ mood | analytical ]

Boarding my plane to head back home,
-even though I already left home.
“Call me when you land”,
I can already hear the bass playing in my head.
Nobody told me this was a part of growing up,
Nobody told me this was a part of growing apart.
Growing apart from those who lived where I once called home,
Part of me feels like I already lost my home.
As relations can't grow with thousands of miles.
But I can grow into a monster for a thousand miles.
And so I,
Know that they're just part of my past, a my past, a my past.
But why have I,
Let them stay trapped in the past, in the past, in the past?

I lost control, in a trance of house music and skin.
Between the attention in the dark, I lost sight of what's within,
And now I'm here without communication of my rooted floor.
Influenced by temptations I'm weak against,
I can't say “no”, but I can always say “more”.
The damage is done, the shiny and new has won.
Sorry mother I forgot to call,
But I'm still flying high in the sky-
Reality hasn't landed at all.
Nobody told me this was a part of growing apart,
Nobody told me this was a part of growing down.
Growing down from where we last left off,
As the time apart between us turns brown.
Regressing our family into the photo albums,
Depressing my memories into white matter.
“The fasten seat belt sign has been turned on.”

I'll keep dancing until I've had enough,
And I've just paid cover.
You can find me by my new family every night,
Looking to find another trick lover.
The music is getting louder,
And I see they're looking better,
I couldn't be prouder.
The roles of my family are all changing,
I've lost sight of my dreams.
I'm rushing home father,
I'll meet you on the dance floor brother.
Wear the black, not the red sister,
I won't leave until you do mother,
As we're all. growing. down.
This is your captain speaking,
“Brace for impact.”

(1 added verse | screw the chorus)

I Put Myself First [21 Mar 2009|07:49pm]
[ mood | Egotistical ]

I put myself first,
I only get one.
Gotta make it all happen,
Before I am done.
My happiness rules all,
Above even you.
I don't want any regrets,
That I can't undo.
If I live my life for you,
And miss out on mine.
Well where does that leave me,
But too far behind?
I won't let that happen,
And neither should you.
So I'll live my life for me,
Now what will you do?

Think you can run the show?
Maybe on your time
But this here is my time.
There I just raised the bar,
These inches go higher,
So don't even bother.
On my own level now,
But I want you here with me,
Together we will be.
You can't shut out my light-
With you I'll make it,
But can you take it?

There's no holding back,
As I live on my word.
Your jealousy's rising,
Like a stampeding herd.
If you can't handle my life
Or the guy that I am.
I suggest you sit down
And rethink this plan.
I wish you'd mature
Over these fragmented cracks.
Who knows what will
Stop you dead in your tracks.
All I can ask,
Is to stand by my side.
And hold on to me tight,
As we both take this ride.

(screw the chorus)

Learning The Hard Way [26 Feb 2009|09:33am]
The look in your eyes
Used to make me melt inside.
You were the total package-
My hopes, my dreams, my passion,
And now your just a lesson learned.

I was so blindsighted by love,
And nieve of the writing on the wall.
The grass is always greener on the other side,
Even when it hasn't rained in weeks.
To me, you were my all-
My pride and joy.
To you, I was your main event,
Among your sideshow of boys.

Drowning in the shallow end
With ignorance pulling me under;
The first winter frost freezes over the surface,
Making it unable for me to compete for your attention.
Because no matter who you have,
Your eye will always wonder,
Followed by your hands-
Then ultimately he will too.

I lost my identity,
I even lost my meaning of the day.
Letting go of myself,
And grabbing onto whatever was in the dark
Was my way of filling the emptiness.
I looked into the mirror
And smiled in reassurance,
But who was that under my skin?

I learned the hard way
But once I realizaed how tied down I was,
And the rust stains on my wrists from your shakles faded,
It was clear you leached onto my light.
But you didn't kill the switch,
And now my wattage is breaking the circuits
As I'm brighter then the solar.

(screw the chorus)

As One [07 Jan 2009|12:39pm]
[ mood | beat ]

Background: A quick writing I wrote on Sept. 12th while I was on a train from Munich, Germany heading to Venice, Italy. Eurpope really made me realize I am one small person in a big world, but we're really similar- just with different roots...

Born into the world
Based on a lottery of locations.
Tongues speaking different words,
That are judged to be wierd
Because their beliefs are contentients away.

Journeymen return safely home
From the deserts, seas, and mountain tops of the world.
And tell the tales of these mystical lands,
Through tales and fables to the younger generation.

These far lands are brought together closer and closer,
As the distances are diminished from weeks to days, and days to hours.
We begin to understand the wierd customs are only different then ours,
And in respect, our curiousity peaks as we ask questions, and learn from the answers.

Borders open, and freedom reigns in disblief,
As old enemies begin to work together to a common goal.
As traditional ideas die away and new thoughts emerge,
I can only hope my generation can continue to work towards peace,
And understand we are all here, together, as one.

(screw the chorus)

Don't look down [24 Dec 2008|11:35am]
[ mood | empathetic ]

You're not the first girl
Who convinced herself, this is the real thing.
That he'd always catch you before you fell,
And you'd always be his one and only.
Another spoke in the wheel,
Another pulley in the system,
This engine's gears thirst the oil,
That once pumped so hard,
As it screeches in ritardando.

You're not the first girl
Who swallowed her pride,
Not once, but twice.
You can't fool yourself,
Because you were there the last time she fell off,
And he didn't look back,
As he reached toward you to hold your hand.
You're at risk of paying the ultimate price,
But falling isn't an opition for you.
You sacrifice your last glass of trust,
That is already half empty.
Your arms begin to shake,
As the loaded pressure overhead becomes too much.

Standing at the edge of love and logic,
You tell yourself “don't look down”
But curiosity has gotten the best of you.
-You can't help but wonder
What would happen,
If your feet lost their grip
And you fell fast, beyond looking back.
With your arms reaching out to your side for him,
And the deserted wind rushing against your body.
Would you become another name on the list,
Or would your parachute of hope catch your fall?

(screw the chorus)

Bloody Oranges [22 Feb 2008|01:54am]
[ mood | flirty ]

Prelude: Sunday before I went to Florida for my scuba trip I hanged out with this guy Paul. He is a culinary chef and when we hanged out he had me try these "bloody oranges" and they were bloody good. I have a small crush on him, but I keep reminding myself about how much fun I'm having being single. But on my flight back to Detroit I wrote this thinking about it all..

Bloody Oranges
One out of two-hundred
At the coordinates of E-17.
The gears shift into reverse,
As my seat reclines at ease.
I'm coming home,
But this time I'm ready.
Because every now & then,
Life brings you a new dish;
Not just plain old spaghetti.

This time well spent
Was periodically thought of you.
Even though my skin is dry of salt,
From the tidal gulf current;
It feels darker, softer, and new.
My stomach is stuffed with breakfast
Of eggs and oatmeal.
I always thought food was better then love,
I can't help how I feel.
And I'm still craving
Your Bloody Oranges.

My ears pop into equal pressure
Before the window slides open.
The atmosphere is covered in a multi-layered sheet.
It's edges are bunched up
And raises in the corners;
While there are holes near the center
That exposes a whole world
Under my feet.

Once this hunk of metal
Touches it's rubber to the frozen asphalt,
Its back to reality.
The big hand on the clock will re-appear,
Shortly after the little hand catches up near.
My planner will book up with dates and appointments,
But I'll leave Friday night open and clear.

Its refreshing to speak to a well rounded, educated man.
However you'll get the invoice
Mailed to your home address.
'Cause my stay is only short-term
And its not cheap to floss in new dress.
Unless you can detour this mechanical bird
Back to the tropics.
Or if its easier,
You can keep me stocked up with your Bloody Oranges.

(1 added verse | screw the chorus)

At My Own Pace [02 Nov 2007|11:55am]
[ mood | Confident ]

After graduation,
I can put away the books,
Move out of this town
And focus on my looks.
Then I could do what I like,
With brains over bronze
Headin' back 21 and van dyke.
Goin' back to high school?
Naw I'm done with that place-
You can tell I'm cool
See this grin on my face?
Its cause its all about me
And now I can run at my own pace.

Let me live my life
Dying from my mistakes
Forget about the wife-
I'll do what it takes.
With optimism in my veins,
I took control
Like Santa Claus Rudoplh at the reins.
Even if I move to Miami
And I max out my credit
Buyin' all the diesel
As I edit on my easel.

You see this grin on my face
Its cause its all about me
And now i can run at my own pace.

(2 added verses | screw the chorus)

Under The Old Oak [30 Aug 2007|11:51pm]
[ mood | unsure ]

Our goodbyes
Planted a seed in my heart.
I built a wall around its bed
And spray painted it with negligence.
The wall was so tall
The sun couldn't reach the soil,
And the rain couldn't run off the hill
From your storm clouds overhead.

But the seed still grew
And sprouted through the surface.
I tried herbicide to stunt its growth,
So I could pretend it wasn't there.
But the leaves grew wider
As the branches reached over the wall.

By this time,
I could no longer hide the tree from myself.
Its canopy provided a cool shade
From the summer's end heat wave.
I slept all day in the hammock from its trunk,
As I reflected on our past,
The good and the bad.

I awakened with the tree bare of its leaves,
Its bark was blue and gray,
And its trunk was hollow.
The wind aches and creeks
As the branches answer with arthritis.
I want to leave this place,
But my shoes are caught in its roots.
And now I'm left
With a token of what could have been.

(screw the chorus)

The Cold War [06 Aug 2007|12:34am]
[ mood | blank ]

Maybe I act on confused behavior,
Maybe I decide for the both of us.
But when I'm home alone,
Wasting away my nights,
My mind tends to run though the fields,
Unable to catch up with my heart.
It jumps barbed wires,
And over the creek.
Where it pushes you over the edge,
Falling backwards into the whitecaps below.

For all of the weeks I've waited for you
To give me what I've craved;
To breathe at ease with you in the morning,
To take our morning shower,
To cook an evening meal,
And to feel your skin under the sheets at night-
You made me starve.
So I left in solitude,
And you called the number on my ticket,
As your heart lost altitude.
But I've been waiting in line for too long,
And my love grew cold;
Then slowly turned into obligation.

I feel my dinner coming back up
As I think about my current state.
As I realized I'm not the man I thought I was.
The man that once stood so tall,
So confident in his future,
As the buckets balanced on his shoulders
Began to overflow with water.

(1 added verse | screw the chorus)

New Years Resolution [05 Jan 2007|11:22pm]
[ mood | tabula rasa ]

Your time is ticking faster than mine
Make the best of this trip
Without you i'd be just fine.
I'll say it now
If you hold me back.
Do you really have what it takes
To open my chest and close my eyes?
Because you have the talent,
But you haven't been to practice.

Tonight I've heard it before
The phone call is too loud to say 'goodnight'
Fastforward to the next night
With the tape eatten by the recorder.

Your heading down the path
Where you'd want to change everything
To get back who you left behind.
Either got it or you don't,
But the bags are packed
Ready at the door.
Say it now
Or forever hold your peace.

(screw the chorus)

Offended [15 Apr 2006|08:35pm]
[ mood | dead ]

Where will he turn,
He is always questioning his insanity.
Will he ever learn,
No one can block it out.
And he wont forget,
And he wont forgive-
He doesnt want a love without respect,
He feels there is no where that he fits.
He is gonna be offended,
He will live with this forever;
He is gonna be offended.

You have his word,
That he'll treat you as an equal.
Take a load off your back,
Bite your tongue,
And stop trying to balance the scale.
He is offended.

(screw the chorus)

secured [04 Apr 2006|05:59pm]
[ mood | cold ]

I saw you had trouble with your footing
On the fine line you walked.
Not knowing where your future directed you
Only to live for the weekend, and die on Monday.

I watch your eyes lock into mine,
On a level below the sheets.
While our big toes knot
And the webs run concave.
The ridges in your skin
Slide into contact with mine.
As your endorphins dock onto my receptors
To trigger your presence,
Like a double barrel shotgun on opening day.

The stress became a reality
As you watched it catch up with you.
Your best running shoes were tied tight,
But they were losing its soul.
I’ll be your pot of gold
As long as you brighten the sky
So you can find me.
At first I was in denial,
But you quickly gave me what I needed
And never had.
You’re worth the risk-
I let you in.

I no longer worry if you have my patent
Cause I drafted on your blackboard
What I want in life.
You are my focus
And the reason I’m headstrong.
To what is expected of me isn’t unachievable.
Because with you I achieve the unexpected.
I crack a smile,
And breathe you out.

(3 added verses | screw the chorus)

Time is Money [19 Feb 2006|01:36am]
[ mood | lonely ]

My nails are bleeding
With their clippings
Embedded in my esophagan walls.
Take me back to threshold
Where your fingerprints are left on me
And the alarm is set to 5am.
I think i blew a fuse.
This is no longer tabula rasa
While i see through your foramen magnum
With binoculars beaming through your orbitals.
My treatment isnt diagnosed by a mirrored reflection
But by your diverged attention
The mind is a dangerous thing
Especially when left alone
Standing at the foothills
With an avalanche above.

(1 added verse | screw the chorus)

Drunk Fuck [27 Apr 2005|10:30pm]
[ mood | ready ]

Today I woke up soaking wet,
With my head under the pillow
And feet towards the wall.
The callas ripped into another layer
Upon the palm of my knuckles that reach my finger tips.
That drag against the under sheets.
A clay buddah grants me fortune
To have an eye of the beholder.
Gripping the mattress
That splits my prism;
Radiation of sound,
Jolting my bolts off the richter.
It all depends on you
To continue my business.
Its so funny I forgot to laugh.
I have the supply-
As long as you bring the demand.
If you like it, buy more;
If you love it, pass it on.
Youre so hot I forgot to fuck.
My dreams are dry
With articles of clothing on the floor,
Today I woke up soaking wet.

(2 added verses | screw the chorus)

This is Permanent [01 Feb 2005|06:06pm]
[ mood | horny ]

The adjusting is over,
As I fit into the curve of your back.
No more temptations of an easy youth,
To take advantage of a place;
Where I can wear my hair over my ears,
With my collar popped.
They're all gone,
From a dialation;
That proceeded five months of misconstrued plans.
Just to wait out the storm,
And hope a child's lifejacket would keep
A 170lb child afloat.
Thinking it would be unjust to leave you stranded
At the reigns alone.
I was to give things a chance with time,
To be a catalyst of how I felt.
In a drastic sign of support,
I put the white flag away.
And now we can start things where we should of,
Instead of where most would of given up;
In a surrender to the easy way out.

In my situation when a pair of Jacks,
Can beat a pair of Queens.
To think I'd be satisfied with only sugar in my coffee,
Because i know it will be worth it in the long run;
Where most would pass the baton in the relay race,
This is permanent.

(screw the chorus)

I like my coffee with sugar and cream [17 Dec 2004|06:21pm]
Maybe I asked you too soon,
Because these thoughts are out running mine.
In a marathon I want to win,
But I find myself taking detours of my youth.
I’m not ready to settle down just yet,
I still need to explore what my life has to give,
To live how I feel I’m meant to live.
In a single, lower class apartment,
To dance the night away with the spotlight on me.

This isn’t a traditional love story,
Although all of your plans sound great.
But I need to run these toxins from my veins,
So when the time is right, I can be all yours.
I will always have this infection that you don’t,
But your understanding can be my cure.

I believe this is love,
But I didn’t expect it to move this fast.
It never has in my past,
Then again, it was never like this before.
I wonder how things would be if I did,
Yet, I have a good idea of how they’d be if I didn’t.
Maybe I’m not meant to be set for one person,
But I picture myself with one person for life.
I wish you could always be my best friend,
And my one and only.
But lets get back to logic,
You could always be my best friend.

I don’t know how to handle the whole thing,
Because I don’t have a Walt Disney norm;
To base off my Sleeping Beauty.
I find my self thinking in the past tense,
With an invited present.
There’s just something I need,
But I can’t live without the other.
I have half of the battle over with,
Because I feel as if I won you over.

(3 added verses | screw the chorus)

I want you to change me... [20 Oct 2004|02:28am]
[ mood | creative ]

It's relieving to know,
That your thinking on my amplitude.
Where the words are only there,
To accept, and confirm the conditions above.
You turned up the frequency of my brain waves;
Into a parallel collaboration,
Of your highs and lows.

With your hopes fully stocked,
In chronological order.
You unexpectedly prepared me to adjust,
From me to us.
If I left,
I have your word you'd come with.
Me to the beaches,
Where the unthinkable would be possible.

I think distance done us well,
From where we last left off.
Our last 4am of the long awaited summer,
The week before September,
You told me "don't forget about me".
It's funny you'd think I could actually forget,
A sixth of my past.
You may call me a liar,
Buy hey, I can't help how I feel.

...you've don't a great job so far.

(5 added verses | screw the chorus)

The last 2/18 of annual change in my life [26 Mar 2004|03:11pm]
[ mood | tired ]

In the room of my past,
I allow the walls to tell the story.
Showing the obvious,
And hiding the truth under a 2nd coat of paint.
One of a silenced boy,
That is nearing father from his upbringings,
And closer to his mind and a standing circle.

Growing up 6 years in a 2 year period,
Living in skin over a 3rd change,
The mind color spectrum increases to red.
Introduced to a lifestyle hidden by hardwork.
He still rails on the iron;
Nailed down by tradition.
But by nature,
This locomotive runs on independence.
And not the coal that is sunken into a dependent pool of lies.
At a point when peers over influence,
The everyday questioneers of "how was your day?"
The "may I's" turn into statements without questions,
As the razorburn comes easier without cream.

Overreactions come to the table,
With agrivation and frustration as it's toll.
The mind in silenced thoughts,
Act as a 2nd voicebox.
While absences and body language,
Quickly turn to the universal.
Proof of Mead's theory;
I've been mentally chizzling my way out,
Of the West wall at which I stare.

(2 added verses | screw the chorus)

Timeline of Cards [20 Nov 2003|09:18pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

I want you even more than I ever have,
To moments when I cant stop thinking of you.
I feel like I want you like I never got you before,
But only we feel like our time is overdue.
It’s just this timeline that has been punched out with holes,
To moments when I cant stop thinking of you.
And wonder if we even have souls,
Of moments when I almost forgot your touch.
It’s just this timeline that has been punched with holes,
The one that has meant so much.
You said that’s exactly how you felt,
Of moments when I almost forgot your touch.
I put more emotions on the table then I could of dealt,
I’m a Queen short of a royal flush.
You said that’s exactly how you felt,
My one and single crush.
I want you even more than I ever have,
I’m a Queen short of a royal flush.
I feel like I want you like I never got you before.

(2 added verses | screw the chorus)

I just dont know when [12 Nov 2003|07:05pm]
I picked you up from your house,
For the first time in the circle drive.
The air turns nervous and rises a few degrees,
Along with the red on my face.
I breathe out the congestion,
And my mind clears itself.
The car opens its arms,
And my clothes fade,
In random marks from those dark clouds.
I pull my hood over my head,
So when I see you,
You’re the only thing I can see.
I open the double iron gate to your house,
And don’t bother to lock it.
I walk to your front porch,
The one that is embedded with leaves.
I ring your door bell,
Because knocking just isn’t my thing.

These are my plans for one day soon,
I don’t know just when.
But the only thing holding me back,
Are the obviously confusing signals that your sending me.
Because I’m not sure how you feel,
But I feel how your not sure.

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